Am I addicted to training?

I was thinking about this question today because every time I think about racing it excites and terrifies me all at the same time. In the April I entered an aqualthon (1k swim and 10 k run) At that point I had been training for 7 months. The night before the race I didn't sleep well and although I forced myself to eat I really had zero appetite. By the time that the race started I was jittery and my stomach was in knots. I was so worked up that I was quite panicky for the first several laps and I didn't ever really settle into a comfortable pace. This surprised me as I am comfortable in the water and this was a pool swim not an open water swim. I did have an excellent run and for the next few days I was on a total high. About a month later I had an opportunity to race in an another aqualathon and at the last minute I jammed out. The thought of going through all that anxiety just before the race just did me in and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Yet I LOVE training. I like pushing myself and challenging myself to go farther and harder. And then again I do want to race because I was so pumped AFTER the race and after the swim was really pleased with how strong I felt. When I do race again I think two things may be in order. First, some good positive self talk. Also I wonder if some deep breathing might help. I remember that I opted not to warm up beforehand either. I was worried that I would tire myself out doing laps before the race but upon reflection I think this may have helped with the nerves a bit.

Well the next race I plan to enter is the New Balance Fall Classic Half Marathon. I have approximately 3 months to prepare. I think it will be good for me because although I'm racing I'm very comfortable with running and I'm already confident that I would finish that distance. I thought it would help me build up some confidence to race more and hopefully alleviate some of the anxiety so that I can enjoy the moment.